One Year On

This time last year, I was laying in a hospital bed in a fair amount of pain, unable to sleep due to really irritating attachments on my feet that periodically inflated to keep my circulation going.  My lovely friend Stef in New Zealand was online, and sent me a photo via facebook to cheer me up, and this is the one she got back!

So, it has been a whole year since the big op.  The one where they broke my tib and fib, moved everything about a bit and then fixed it all back together with several large screws.
In some ways it feels like an eternity, and in some ways I feel like I'm not sure where the year went, particularly the second half of it!

A couple of months ago, I would have told you that I regretted the decision to have this operation.  I'm still not 100% sure I am over that feeling yet, however I am getting there, slowly but surely.  It has been a bit of a rollercoaster of uncomfortable moments, strong emotions and finding out where my limits are, and at times I have felt like there wasn't going to be an end to this saga (or at least not the one I was hoping for!).

It's taken pretty much the whole year to recover from this op (and the two others I had afterwards), but I am finally able to run again!  I am not pain-free, and in all honesty I'm not sure I ever will be, however the days of being woken in the night by it are gone, and I am slowly learning to trust that I can do the things I could do before.  Before my family all panic and phone me to tell me off, I don't mean the marathon!  I have a place, but I have come to terms with the fact that I won't be at the start line in April next year.  Might sound odd considering my history, but it's been a tough one to let go of!  I do however have high hopes that I will get one of these instead;

And instead of being at the start line of the London Marathon next year, I will make myself useful at Fetchpoint with this bunch of lovely friends, handing out sweets, calling out names and clapping until my hands hurt (whilst drinking champagne and keeping out of the way of flying corks!!).

I have managed to run a mere 10 miles this year, compared to 211 miles last year (completed in just the first four months!), however during those 10 miles I have re-discovered that wonderful feeling of joy you can get from setting yourself little targets, and from being able to push yourself just to the point of achieving them, but not so far that you end up broken.  I have finally run around the village we moved to, which means I can now officially call myself a 'Hermitage Jogger' - a group that was started up a few weeks after we moved in, and my first proper Hermitage jog was a year later almost to the day!  At the moment, in spite of the cold and the wheezing in my chest, above all else, I am enjoying running like I never have before.  The old saying is true - you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone.