Running as Therapy

This isn't an easy post for me to write but I want to get it out there.

I already mentioned that my friend Kat getting cancer was my inspiration to take up running, to raise money for Cancer Research.  When she lost her battle, I continued running, and continued trying to raise money for charity by organising Friendship Walks, and helping to get a Wear it Pink day reinstated at work.

But it hasn't just been Kat.  In the 6 years that I have been running, I have watched cancer touch too many lives around me.  My boss had breast cancer (and has thankfully been clear for a few years now), an old friend was diagnosed with bowel cancer whilst in her mid 30's (another going against the statistics, and after over a year of being fobbed off with the old 'IBS' diagnosis).  A colleague in the US is still fighting the fight three years down the line.  The very lady who was there to comfort me when I got the phone call about Kat, has herself recently started back at work after 18 months of treatment for breast cancer.  Less than a year ago, another colleague was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  He had been planning to run the marathon himself this year but that wasn't to be.  And then there is Daithi, who passed away in January, less than a year after a lung cancer diagnosis in his mid 30's.  Pete's parents have both battled the disease this year too, so there has been no getting away from it!

If I'm honest, at times it has all felt a bit relentless!  With all this going on, amongst other things, I have found myself getting quite anxious and down, and at one point I took anti-depressants in order to try and snap out of it.  That didn't really work for me, so I started on a course of computer based cognitive behaviour therapy.  Whilst there were aspects of it that I really got, I found some parts of it quite irritating and time consuming, and so I only kept it up for a few months.  This was all going on pretty much during the time when I had stopped running.  I remember talking to my doctor at the time and somehow we ended up on the topic of cancer, and I relayed my experiences of what had been happening around me.  She seemed to completely understand, and that 10 minute discussion with her was a huge turning point for me.  I'm not going to go into detail about it but she opened my eyes to a few things and helped me to understand why I was feeling the way I was.

For me, I've already mentioned that running is escapism.  By that I mean that it has been my way of dealing with things I find stressful.  When I run, I don't listen to music, and I don't think about anything at all other than what is going on around me.  It is the only time I ever really switch off and have a break (I have one of those irritating brains that likes to mull things over and over and over, so this is especially valuable for me!).  Alongside that complete time-out, I also get to enjoy being out and about, and I have seen some beautiful things when out running.  From all sorts of wildlife (not just the cows, but deer, rabbits, squirrels, cats, sheep, birds, the list could go on and on), to some absolutely awesome early morning frosts, and sunsets that would take your breath away!  I'm lucky that I can escape into farmland owned by Reading University, which means that I get a certain amount of solitude, and some spectacular views (and smells - well, it is a dairy farm after all!).  I have taken a few photo's, which I will get up in a separate post at some point, but a lot of the time I just can't get my phone to capture what I am seeing.  I like to think that it's natures way of ensuring that I keep getting out there and seeing those things with my own eyes!

But running has also been a way of doing something constructive.  It has been for me, my way of showing that I care.  I can't really do anything to help, but I can go running and I can raise a bit of money for Cancer Research.  I keeps me fit and it keeps me sane - it's a bit of a win-win situation really!

Running is therapy!