First Run Since VLM 2013

I had my final operation, to remove the metalwork from my ankle, in early July, and literally my first step after the operation was dramatically less painful than beforehand.  I can't tell you how good it felt just to be able to walk around my house and up and down stairs with so much less pain!  I was given crutches, and I literally used them to get to the car and then abandoned them, as I just didn't need them.

Looking at the x-ray, and seeing the metalwork, it's hardly surprising how much pain it caused whilst it was in place!

I rested up for a couple of weeks after the last operation, and then set off on a mission to get myself fit again.  I have started doing high intensity circuit training, alongside sessions on an exercise bike and (less frequently) a rowing machine.

I built this up over a couple of weeks, and was finding it all ok (tough, but in a good way!) and only occasionally getting twinges of pain in my ankle when doing high impact activities like jumping jacks, so  I spoke to my physio about having a go at running, and she said I could do it if I felt confident, but stick to a treadmill and be guided by pain.

I don't think I have ever been that excited about having a go on a treadmill before!!  OK, actually I don't think I have EVER been excited about using a treadmill.....I hate the things....but if it meant I could run then great!
I started off at a gentle jog, and within a couple of steps I knew it wasn't good.  A third of a mile in, the pain was quite bad, and I thought I should maybe stop.  But, just to clarify, I did mention I am stubborn didn't I, and  I was determined to do a mile at all costs.  So I did.  And the cost was, I was in agony (and tears) as I hobbled to my car.  Since then, I have had increased pain in my ankle, knee and more significantly my hip.  I completely stopped all exercise for a few weeks because I felt so miserable again!  I have no plans to run again anytime soon, and am back seeing the physio, who has modified a few of the exercises in my circuits to help strengthen my bad leg.  I have wondered a lot whether the big op was the right thing to do, given that I only did it on the proviso that if I didn't I wouldn't be able to run again without re-injuring myself, and here I am 10 months later, still unable to run.

All of this being said, it is looking less and less likely that I will be at the start line of VMLM 2015 as I had hoped.  I'm totally gutted about it, but I just don't see how at this point I could ever build up the mileage in time.

A Short Summary.....

I can't believe it has been over a year since my last blog.
And I am still not running.....
However, I am finally emerging from a long, painful and sometimes miserable recovery period.  I have learnt a lot about myself in the process of all this, and I'm pretty sure I have come out the other side stronger (mentally at least!).

How to sum it all up in a few words...hmmm....

Since I ran the London Marathon in 2013, I have had four operations on my right leg.  Yes, I think that is a good summary!!  I'll write another post about the operations themselves, as there is way too much to include it all here, but it has been pretty life-changing.

One of the operations, back in December 2013, was essentially a controlled break of my right leg.  It is fair to say that I have still not fully recovered from that, but I feel like I might finally be getting there slowly but surely.  The operation resulted in metalwork in my leg which was supposed to stay in for around two years, however it became apparent five months or so in that it needed to come out ASAP as it was the likely cause of the significant pain I was getting.  I don't know why I thought this, as I should know better by now (did the wrist saga teach me nothing!?!) but I kinda assumed that I would have six weeks in plaster, a couple of months recovery and building back up, and then all would be good again and I could start back running.  Oooooh how wrong you can be!!!  I was going to physio regularly, and doing exercises to build strength, however nothing seemed to change, and walking was constantly painful - often unbearably so.

Being a bit of a stubborn (and impatient) soul, I don't think I did myself many favours, constantly trying to push the limits and not always listening to my body, but if I am honest I found the whole situation beyond frustrating, and actually really depressing.  Can you imagine waking up every morning knowing that every step you take that day on your right leg is going to hurt?  There were days where I didn't want to get out of bed, and often weeks where I barely left the house.  And most of the time, being in bed wasn't even much of a relief, because particularly in the first couple of months after the operation it was impossible to find a position where both my hip and my ankle were pain free.  Running is therapy for me, allowing me space and time to empty my mind.  When unable to run, going for a walk is the next best thing, guaranteed to improve my mood and make me feel better about myself.  Being unable to do either, at a time in my life where I really needed the headspace (moving house, significant unwanted and stressful job changes, and engagement and wedding in the space of a couple of months, coupled with the impact coping with injury and pain has on a person) has meant that there have been times when I have really struggled in the past year.

A typical physio session.......

The Road to Recovery

Is a long and painful one, so it would appear!
However, if there is one thing that doing the marathon has taught me, it's that I am a pretty determined person when I need to be, and it's just as well!

I haven't run a single step since marathon day.  In fact, I have barely done any exercise at all.  It soon became quite clear to me that the hip injury wasn't going to miraculously heal itself, and after an unsuccessful attempt to go on a little walk in Wales a few weeks later (which resulted in me turning back after half a mile and literally being in tears from the pain and frustration by the time I got back to the cottage) followed by a few physio sessions, I gave in and saw a specialist.
I had x-rays, CT scans and an MRI, and the conclusion of those left me in complete shock.  Turns out I need three operations - two to fix the injuries I was carrying and one to fix the underlying cause.  I needed my knee cleaning out, and also have a labral tear in my hip joint, caused by the ball part of my joint being worn into a slightly deformed shape meaning it tore the cartilage in my joint.  Then biggest of all, I need an operation called a tibial osteotomy, which essentially means breaking my tibia in order to re-set my leg at a different angle so that it will be kinder to my hips and knees going forwards.  Turns out my leg is all out of alignment which places too much stress on those two joints!  I was a bit of an emotional wreck after hearing this, probably compounded by the fact that the pain I was experiencing in my hip was making it almost impossible for me to get a decent nights sleep.  It seems to be my default sleeping position to end up on my right hand side curled up, which results in a very deep aching sensation right inside my hip strong enough to wake me up.  The act of moving onto my back and straightening my right leg out to ease the pain would often cause so much discomfort it would take me a good hour or so to settle down afterwards.

All of the specialists (not only the surgeon but also the various physio's and radiographers I saw) were quite shocked when I told them that I had picked the labral tear up before the marathon, but had done it anyway.  I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not but I do seem to have a high pain threshold, which can only be a good thing given what I have ahead of me!  The specialist I saw was also quite shocked when I told him that the previous knee specialist had chosen to do nothing about the floating bone in my knee, which if you recall from my previous post on the matter, I had pointed out to him as he hadn't even spotted it from the scans.  Hindsight is a marvellous thing, but you would not believe how much I am kicking myself, because if you read that post you might recall that I was uneasy about his lack of action but chose to just trust him and go with it.  It is entirely possible (quite likely in fact) that if I had sought a second opinion and had a knee arthroscopy back then, I would not have picked up the hip injury at all.  Basically, my hip has been compensating for my knee which has been a major factor in where I find myself today.  When I get my act together I am contemplating making a complaint against him to be honest.  I felt brushed off at the time, but as I didn't like his bedside manner very much and was worried he hadn't spotted the bone chip, I was relieved to not have to go back and see him again.  I am too emotive on the subject now, but lets just say it feels a bit like he played a part in altering my London Marathon dream from one of running the whole way and aiming for a specific time, to finding myself with a serious injury which should have led me to withdraw two weeks before.  I always knew the marathon would be a painful experience but there was no need for it to be quite as painful as it was!!!

Afterwards and the Aftermath - Part Two. Nothing's ever simple!

This is why I have not been running since the marathon...........

A selection of photos

A random selection of photos from the day, in no particular order.  Mainly because I can't work out how to swop them into the right order.....

Me walking up to Big Ben

Big Ben

The London Eye

Had to be done really!

Proud to finish!

The Medal

Lucozade Tunnel of Yes!

Me in the Tunnel

Proud lady and her medal!

This mile marker took its time to appear!

Welli in the Tunnel

My Running Companions

I thought I should let you see all the costumes I saw along the way (yes, even the bluddy rhino's!!).  It's hard enough to finish a marathon in normal clothes, I don't know how these guys do it.....

One of the rhino's, ever present companions

Saw this guy near the start, everyone was cheering for 'Chef' and I thought it might have been Gordon Ramsay!

These complete nutters were carrying a cider press.  Saw them near Deptford.

This costume was quite tall!

This one was quite scary!

Jamaican Bobsleigh

Another bluddy rhino!

This was the biggest and scariest costumer I saw....

Shark Man

Storm Trooper.  My brother and Kate informed me he was bleeding by the time he made it to them at 23 miles....

Rotary Club 

FA Cup?  Got lots of cheers from the kids....

Afterwards and the Aftermath - Part One

Nearly six weeks have flown by!

After I had caught up with everyone at the end of the race, we stumbled along to All Bar One on Villiers Street near Embankment for a celebratory gin, and also to get me warm as I was starting to shiver.  I briefly contemplated a visit to Gordons but decided the stairs were going to be a bit much for me, however it turned out that the only place to sit in All Bar One happened to be....you guessed it....upstairs!!  With a helping arm from my Dad I managed to get up and with much relief, plonk myself into a seat.  To be honest, I had expected my legs to feel worse than they did, although looking back I think I might have been a bit out of it as I was feeling emotional and elated (and had also had a fair few drugs and some gin during the race!).

Pete went off to move the car as it was still parked at the hotel, and my brother appeared with a nice cold G&T for me - it almost looked as good as the one Mykey handed me at Fetchpoint 22 miles into the race, but to be honest I don't think any other gin will ever taste quite as good as that one did!!!

We were sat around chatting for a fair while (another gin) and I was managing to keep it together quite well, although I was feeling really emotional (by that read tearful).  I had a few texts to read so I was doing that and replying, and then I saw one from Zeph saying well done and that she was proud of me.  We had a little back and forth conversation and the messages she sent me were so lovely it completely sent me over the edge!  I remember being mid-sentence and just having to stop and bawl my eyes out because I couldn't keep it in anymore!  I had my second much needed hug from my brother and that helped to sort me out!

We left my brother and Kate to catch the tube home, and my Dad once again helped me walk to the car that Pete had managed to park literally around the corner from the bar.  A quick drive to Maidenhead to drop my Dad off and also to see my Mum and Grandad who had been patiently waiting!  When I walked into the lounge, my 89 year old Grandad was sitting on the sofa with his arms out for a hug.  As I hobbled over I was thinking there was a distinct possibility that bending over to give him a hug might not actually be within the realms of my capability, but I did manage it!!!  I did think to myself it may have been easier for him to get up than for me to bend down, such was the amount I had started to stiffen up by then!!  I managed to shovel some dinner into me that my Mum had made, despite not really feeling very hungry, and then I just crashed.  I had that feeling you get where you would give anything to just be at home in your pyjama's in your own bed, and so we didn't hang around for much longer.
When we got home I managed a shower and I even managed to bend down and say hello to the cats who were very pleased to see us, and then I pretty much collapsed in a heap into bed (after carefully placing my medal under my pillow!).

I spent the next morning in bed.  I could feel how sore my legs were and the prospect of moving was not appealing to me a great deal, so I literally didn't get out of bed until 11am.  And it took two attempts!!  The first time I managed to get to standing position, I literally fell back down again as my legs were having none of it, and even when I did manage to get up I couldn't walk without holding onto things.  Oh the pain!!!  I hurt in unexpected places too - my ribs were agony and I had a bit of sunburn on the backs of my hands.  I spent the day shuffling around the house rocking my pj's and my medal and just chilled out.  Caught up on the hundreds of messages on facebook (often in tears) and had a look at my photos, those sorts of things.  I was really overwhelmed with how many messages and posts and texts and so on I had received during the day.  To all those people who tracked me or took the time to post to wish me luck or anything, thank you so much.  It means a great deal to me it really does!

I was booked into a spa the next day with Sarah and Sui and I did wonder how on earth I was going to manage it as walking really was a struggle, but the more I did, the easier (!!) it got, and when I got up the next day I could just about waddle about inconspicuously!  We were blessed with gorgeous weather so not only did we have a blissfully relaxing day, we even managed to sunbathe outside for a while.  Sarah kindly paid for me to have a floatation treatment, which essentially involves getting into a pool of salty mineral water which you can relax and completely float in for half an hour.  Apparently if you fall asleep for that half an hour, it is the equivalent of 3 hours deep sleep.  I didn't fall asleep, but suffice to say that all of my limbs enjoyed the feeling of being completely weightless immensely!  Once I had got over the slight stinging sensation caused by the chafing under my arms that is!!

Wednesday I was back to work, and I took my medal with me to show everyone.  It was a shock to the system to be back into work after such a life-changing experience, but the first week was good as I was still on a real high, although still finding walking quite painful.  If you can picture an OAP cowboy style of walking, that was me!! :-)

On the Monday after, the ballot opened for the 2014 London Marathon.  Despite saying all along that I only ever want to do this once, and despite still not being able to walk (or sleep) pain-free, despite saying never again during training and the day after, and despite regularly using the phrase 'a marathon is a half marathon too far' I entered.  I only went and bluddy entered.  I have literally become certifiable!  I am comparing it to childbirth.....there are so many similarities!
Seriously though, I know I did it and that is a massive achievement (although when the blues hit afterwards I took some reminding of that) but I am gutted about the fact that I picked up an injury with two weeks to go which meant I had to abandon my hope of finishing in 5hrs 30minutes, and relegate my plans to just finishing at all.  I am gutted that it was so painful, and that I couldn't run it all.  I know I shouldn't be, and I am proud of myself for the achievement - perhaps even more so given the added difficulty level!  I know that I wouldn't have met Welli without the injury, and I am pleased I did and was so happy to run with her - I wouldn't change that for the world.  But it still feels a little bit like unfinished business.  So, you never know, I might be doing it all again next year!  And if I don't get a ballot place?  Well then I will be standing at Fetchpoint with a few tins of G&T and a bag of jelly babies, holding my hand out for high-fives and shouting in my best cheering voice to repay the kindness I got from the crowd every step of the way this year.