2018 begins

Ah 2018, what a joy it has been so far......

Scrap that, it started out pretty crap actually.  With the notable exception of a week in Iceland (Pete was there for work and I tagged along) where I did my first run of the year as the sun came up over Reykjavik, in temperatures of -6 degrees.  It was actually a really lovely, comfortable run, and I could have continued, however I had arrived back at the hotel and so decided to stop and not risk slipping over on the snowy footpaths.

We arrived home to a poorly cat, who we rushed to the vet on the night we got home.  Unfortunately within 24 hours, after some too-ing and fro-ing between Newbury and Bristol - during which time someone crashed into us on the M4 - we had to let her go as she was getting worse and the vets couldn't stabilise her.  To say I have been devastated (and haunted) by this is to understate things.  She was my little shadow for almost 11 years, and I still miss her terribly.

Since then, I have been struggling a little bit to get back on a positive and even keel.  The man who crashed into us on the M4 contested fault on the claim, so it took until May to resolve the case, thankfully in our favour.  That involved weekly phone calls to my insurance company and a lot of faffing with two garages to get my car fixed.  Given the circumstances of the crash, each and every time I thought about it I was reminded of why we were making that journey, which didn't help! I spent a lot of February doing some work with a career consultation team (which was provided as part of my redundancy package).  I actually enjoyed it and found it really useful, however the reality of trying to find a new job hit home too.  I have never before been in the position I find myself in now - unemployed with nothing already lined up!  I haven't had a formal job interview in a very very long time, and the idea of it all is terrifying if I'm honest!  I have noticed myself changing - not really wanting to go out of the house, having the feeling that I don't want to go to the gym, nor out running anymore.  I had already decided (after a couple of really awful runs around Hermitage) that I wasn't going to do the Reading Half Marathon, so when it was cancelled, I felt equal parts guilty and relieved!  I've also had some niggles with injuries, including a strange weakness in my left hand.  My GP put it down to Carpal Tunnel, which I didn't feel was right as I only had weakness and no other symptoms.  My physio diagnosed an issue in my neck and upper back, and after one session with her, the weakness disappeared!  I think when you're not working, you have more time to notice, and perhaps dwell on, these kinds of things.  With that alongside job applications that go nowhere, it can be quite hard to keep plugging away and trying to stay positive.  Luckily, I have some good friends and family who have been helping to keep my spirits up.  I am ever hopeful that the right job for me is just around the corner - after all, everything happens for a reason, right?!

Signing off with the last photo of my beautiful baby girl Stitchy

Quick round-up of 2017

I honestly had no idea I hadn't written a blog post since August last year!  Where does the time go?

I rounded off 2017 with a few more 10k races; the Farleigh Wallop trail race, which is my favourite race of the year, the RARE 10k at Harwell, where I was 27 seconds off my sub 1hr target, and finally the Dorney Autumn Series, where I finally beat that 1hr, with a finishing time of 59.51!  It's a totally flat 5k lap race, and you could do one lap or four, taking you up to half marathon distance.  I originally planned to do three laps, however on the day I just wasn't feeling it, so I did the two laps and 10k instead.  I definitely need to work on my stamina, as my natural pace has increased but I just can't seem to keep it going over distance.  My final race was a 5k Santa fun run in December, and I was pleasantly surprised at how easy I found it, in spite of not running for six weeks between the last 10k and the 5k.  I had thought I would be holding my friend up and would really struggle, however it was a very enjoyable run, and we even made the paper!

Dinton Santa 5k 

Can you spot us?

And then, I stopped running again.  Same old story!  The end of 2017 was a surreal time for me, as I got made redundant from my job of 12 years.  In many ways, a relief, but left me feeling a bit discombobulated!  OK, a lot discombobulated!  I had thought that as I would have all this extra time on my hands, it would be a perfect time to train for the Reading Half Marathon and try to smash my half marathon PB, however I couldn't seem to get myself started, so I decided would give myself a bit of time at the end of the year, and pick everything up again in 2018 (including job hunting).

Farleigh Wallop 10k

Farleigh Wallop Medal - always a favourite!

RARE 10k

RARE 10k

Dorney 10k

How to teach an old dog old tricks?

I know that isn't the way the saying goes, but it seems more apt for me!!

I've been a bit up and down since my last blog.  Training has been going pretty well, although I am not running as much as I should be, however my PT has been pushing me pretty hard and I have noticed improvements in a few areas.  I ran my fastest ever 5k almost by accident, and ran the last Yateley 10k in August in the pissing rain, a full 3 minutes faster than I planned, in a similar time to last year, when I had put in way more running miles.  Despite the running going well, I still keep putting off actually getting out and doing it, and I really don't know why so that's something I need to think about (or maybe not think about?  Maybe I think about it too much and that's why I get anxious about going running?!).

Post 5K PB

Soaked after the Yateley 10K

Finishing the Yateley 10K - soaked but smiling!

Home and social life has been great!  I had a particularly good birthday celebration spending the day by the river in Winchester paddling our new kayak and having a go on a SUP with lovely friends and family.  Perfect day (and it didn't rain!).

Best birthday cake, made by Donna!

Testing out the new Kayak with Frankie

Having a little go on Donna's SUP

Work has been..... Actually, I'm not going to go there.

Anyway, now that I have set myself a new goal of doing the Reading Half and getting a PB, and paid for it so it is really happening (!), I figured I would get back to some proper training tonight.  Thing is, I just didn't prepare properly!  In my defence, sitting in a cool air conditioned office all day didn't prepare me for quite how warm and humid it was outside, but really, you'd think I'd know by now that I can't just have a few cups of coffee during the day and then expect to breeze a 10k run in the evening!  Granted, I had a decent lunch of pasta with chicken and veg, but I literally didn't drink a drop of water all day.  One cup of tea, three cups of coffee (bad in itself I know!) and a carton of orange juice does not equal a well hydrated Katy.  Within a mile and a half I had a stitch and wanted to stop.  I slowed the pace and gave myself a talking to, and managed to make it up to 4.5 miles in the end.  So not quite 10k, but given how I felt after 1.5 miles, I'm still pretty happy with that.  In the last half a mile my body was telling me in many ways that it wanted to stop, so it was the right decision not to push on.  The stitch came back with a vengeance, my right knee started to twinge and I got a fly in my eye!

The reason I say you can't teach an old dog old tricks?  Because I already learnt this very lesson whilst marathon training.  I had a really awful run during training which knocked my confidence big time, until I stepped back and thought about how I had prepared for it, and realised that basically I hadn't!  And here I am, repeating the same mistake again!  Oh well, no run is really a bad run!  Apart from the last time I ran the Reading Half.  That was a bad run.  And I am determined that I am not going to repeat it again!  Onwards and upwards!

Slightly delirious and dehydrated after todays run!

So, this just happened.....

Getting the Funk Out of Here!

I write this whilst lounging with my feet up on the sofa eating ice cream directly out of the tub (Ben & Jerry's One Love - if you haven't tried it you should!).

I'm feeling pretty good, much much better than I was when I wrote my last blog.  I have been working on operation 'get the Funk out of here' in the only way I know how - getting back into a routine with the gym, and pulling my running trainers on - and it seems to be starting to work!  Yes, I am eating ice cream, however prior to the ice cream, I completed an hour long PT session, which I followed up with one of the best runs I have done this year.

I left the running for too long, and then got all messed up in my head thinking that I would be starting again and it would be hard and I would feel awful, which led to me putting it off over and over again.  I headed out to the canal towpath planning on running out one mile and then turning around and running back, just to find my feet again (really I was thinking I would just run two miles because it was probably going to be too hard to run any further. I am making progress against the Funk, but it is still there).  I settled into a lovely pace, and just didn't want to stop!  I ran a nice easy four miles, finishing strong up the only (very small) incline, which I had spent the entire run telling myself it would be OK to walk up if I needed to.  In fact, according to strava, it was a PR for me, so the fastest I have run up that little hill so far!  And when I had got back to the physiotherapy centre (where Pete was doing his PT session) I felt like I could have kept going.

So, I earned the ice cream, and the Funk is a step closer to being ousted.  A good day!

Chip Butty & Cherry Cheesecake

I was going to start this blog by telling you how it doesn't matter that I just stuffed my face full of chip butty followed by cherry cheesecake for lunch (with a 'zero' Lilt - oh, the irony!) because I'm not on a health kick or anything, so what's the harm in a lunchtime blowout eh?!

However as I sat there eating I realised that I am on a bit of a health kick after all.  A mental health kick, if such a thing exists (and if it doesn't, it should).

I have been using exercise as a very effective tool for helping with my mental state for a long time now - in fact being put on medication by my GP in late 2015 was the wake-up call I needed to make a change, and as anyone who has read any of my blog recently will know, I have been regularly attending the gym and got back into the running since then.  It has been the exact thing I needed to help my mental health, with the beneficial side effects being that my physical health is probably the best it has ever been too (and I only needed one course of those drugs and a couple of weeks away from work as a result!).

Thing is, the first half of this year has had its ups and downs, and the downs seem to have coincided with times when I haven't been able to keep up with the gym stuff for various reasons - my PT moving to a new place and therefore having a couple of months with no training, stopping a couple of classes due to work commitments and also starting to doubt my ability etc etc.  And along with the decrease in exercise, I have experienced an increase in anxiety and stress levels, and have noticed some old patterns emerging as a result.  For example, a good gauge for me is how many days do I work from home, and on those days do I get up and have a shower?  When I am feeling good, even on a work from home day I would be up and dressed.  When I am below par I tend to find myself still in pyjamas in the afternoon, and then beat myself up about it.  I berate myself - why can't I just be like everyone else and get up and dressed like a normal person?  Everyone else can manage it, so why can't I?  Then there's the housework, which I just don't keep on top of so well when I'm down.  And it's an ever decreasing circle, because being in the house when it's messy makes me stressed out from looking at the mess, and yet I don't want to leave the house, so I am spending more time there looking at the mess, and yet don't have the energy to clean it up....... You can see where I'm going here!

You would think that the solution to this would be pretty simple - get back into a routine with the exercise.  And I know that would help me immensely.  However, my brain won't let it be that easy!  My brain is convinced that because I have let everything slip, it is going to be too hard to start it up again, and I am a failure.  A failure because I'm not going to the gym as often, and because I have let the running slide to such an extent that I missed a 10k race I had entered this week.  The day before the 10k I was still going to run it - I decided that I would just take it really easy and aim to run/walk it just to get back out there, but on the morning of the race I chickened out.  I regretted it all day, to the point where I nearly got in the car an hour before to see if I could still make it to the start on time, but talked myself out of it (this pattern repeats over and over).

So, where do I go from here?  How do I get myself out of this funk?  I can't change the things that are getting me down as I have no control over them, so instead I have to change the way I am reacting to them.  I need to stop beating myself up all the time.  Yes, I ate a chip butty and a cherry cheesecake for lunch, but so what?  Feeling guilty about it won't help, just start again tomorrow.  One day at a time.  One foot in front of the other.  I'm sure I have put my favourite saying on here before, but in case I haven't;

Hail Stopped Play!

After an amazing day up at Fetchpoint for the London Marathon this year, I have been feeling all inspired and am considering trying to train for a half marathon again.  The last one I did was my worst ever run for so many reasons, and it seems a shame to leave it on that note.  So I have been pretty determined this week to get back on track with the running training.  Monday I was supposed to be doing a PT session, but I came down with a headache and instead spent the evening in bed.  Tuesday was my usual gym sessions with some friends, and so today was my first chance to go for a run.  It also just so happens that it is also the worst day for weather so far this week!  The day was intermittent hail showers and sunshine, and when I finished work and pulled on my trainers, the sky was ominously dark and I was surprised at how cold it was.  In the walk from the office to my car to dump my bags, this was the voice in my head - "Still going for a run, nah the weather's awful and I don't have the right kit, but go for a run anyway or you'll regret it, oh it's started to rain just get in the car" etc.  Luckily at the point where I had dumped my kit, I was on the JUST DO IT side of things and so I set off.
Within about ten paces, the rain had started in earnest.  Within half a mile it was hail, and I was so cold I was regretting my decision to go anyway.  I also had this niggling thought in my mind that I had just started up running and not locked my car.  Not ideal when I had just dumped my laptop, work phone and personal phone, along with all my other personal belongings in the boot!  I decided to speed up, take a short cut and get back to the office ASAP.  My ears were so cold that my head was seriously hurting - I'm sure you've all felt that pain before - and my hands were totally numb, despite running a relatively fast mile (for me!) at 8.57.
When I got back to my car, I had indeed left it unlocked.  So, all in all it was the correct decision to cut that run short!!

Still, I was a bit frustrated, as I had been looking forward to just heading out for a longer slower run, to try and build my mileage up for my first 10k in a few weeks.  I've not run further than 4 miles so far, so I need to sort that out!  As soon as I hit the motorway for the journey home, the sun came out, which didn't help, although there was a beautiful rainbow!

When I got home the sun was still out, although the clouds in the distance still looked quite ominous.  I donned a rather fetching ear buff, gave myself a stern talking to and headed out again.  And I am so glad I did - that two miles was one of the best runs I have done in ages!  I haven't run around Hermitage for a little while now, because there are no street lights in the village so running after work needed to happen at work on lit footpaths over the winter.  But now the clocks have changed and summer is on the way, there is plenty of daylight to run at home, and it is good for me as it is a bit more undulating.  I only did a couple more miles at a nice easy pace, but I really enjoyed it and I'm quite proud of myself that I tried again, after the first run had been so horrible!

And even better?  That nice easy pace, enjoyable little run?  It was a PR over that route.  Hurrah!!!!

Where did that come from?

It's safe to say that my running has been a bit slow to get going this year!  After my last post I said I planned to run once per week, however I didn't keep to my word, and have only been running twice since.
The first time was last week, when I managed a nice 4 mile run which I was pretty pleased with considering the long breaks I keep taking.  My first mile was a bit fast (no surprise there!) so I slowed up for the second mile.  Actually a bit too much, which meant I had some speed left in my legs, and my last mile was the one that felt the strongest - it was only two seconds slower than my first, which is pretty unheard of for me.

The day after the 4 miler, I felt pretty knackered and stiff!  I am the fittest and strongest I have ever been currently, so when I run I tend to feel pretty good (even my breathing is starting to calm down), however there is no substitute for actually running - you have to put the miles in if you want to improve your stamina and your post-run recovery!  I found Attack and Pump quite hard work the day after, and was very much looking forward to a Friday off work with the hubby which was supposed to be a rest day, however we ended up spending a fair proportion of it walking around Reading doing a bit of shopping, so not entirely restful!!

This week I have done my usual sessions - PT on Monday (involving a military style fit test - thanks Ashley!!), Balance and Pump yesterday (involving the most difficult shoulder and lunge tracks I have ever encountered, plus my second time using 13kg of weights for the squat track).  It's safe to say, my legs are feeling a bit tired and heavy!  When I was packing my running kit this morning, it was absolutely chucking it down outside, and I was already thinking to myself that there was no way I was going to go running if it was still like that when I finished work.  Luckily for me, the day got progressively better, and it was really nice out by the time I was ready to run.  Because I was feeling weary, and have another double session at the gym tomorrow, I decided to cut myself some slack and stick to a shorter run, and try to go for some speed.  It's good to throw shorter runs in every now and again, as you're still getting the time on your feet to build up your run fitness, but it is less intimidating somehow, and also good for cardio strength and working on different strides.  I was overtaken about a quarter of a mile in by a man who breezed past taking it easy, whilst I was trying to go as fast as possible.  Harrumph thought I!  I decided to try and use him as a marker and not let him get too far away from me.  Well, it must have done the trick, as Strava tells me I ran my fastest ever mile, and fastest ever kilometer!  And all whilst watching a rather beautiful sunset.  All in all, not a bad evening!

First race of 2017 - Royal Berks 10k, 21st May 2017.  T minus 60 days!

And we're off!

I ran today!

First run of 2017, finally off the mark!

I have continued with all the other exercise stuff, however as often happens in winter, I stopped running for over two months in the end.  A combination of being very busy, weather, and not wanting to go running in the dark.  I could have found time for it if I really wanted to, I know that, however if something has to give on the exercise front, for me these days it is running that I ditch in place of a gym session!

The good thing is that because I am doing so much other exercise, when I do go running now even after a long break, it still feels ok.  In fact today, it felt really good!  I set off with the intention of running an out-and-back two miles around GPK, because it is quiet, has streetlights and is flat, making it a nice easy re-introduction.  I also deliberately held back the pace, despite the best efforts of my legs to keep speeding up!  I ran at a speed that was comfortable for my lungs so that I never felt like it was a struggle.  As soon as my garmin beeped at a mile, I turned around to jog back feeling strong and fighting the urge to just keep going and make it a 5k, as I know that doing too much too soon is usually counter-productive.  When I got back to the office, Pete wasn't there yet (we were car-sharing so I was waiting for him to arrive to pick me up) so I continued a little trail around the car park (up a ramp, round in circles, down a ramp, dodging colleagues on their way home, round in an even bigger circle, etc. etc!) until I finally decided enough was enough and stopped - final distance 2.67 miles.

Really pleased with that!  Even happier when I looked at the pace and it was an average of 10.09 minutes per mile.  Not bad at all for an easy comfortable run!  In fact a year ago, that sort of pace would have been me going full pelt!

The plan now is to run once a week, slowly increasing the distance to get ready for my first 10k of the year, which will be the same as last year - the Royal Berks 10k in May.  I'd also like to find a few more races to enter over the summer to keep the momentum up.

Anyone reading this racing 5k or 10k, and want to send me some recommendations?!

2016 - A year in review

What a year 2016 was!  And I don't mean that in the same way as most people I guess - I am hearing so much about how 2016 was an awful year and how everyone is glad to see the back of it.
True, politically, it has been a year of shocks, but let's not go into that.  And yes, a lot of much loved celebrities have shuffled off this mortal coil (maybe on to better things, who's to say!), however when I look back on 2016, I look back on a pretty good year.  There may have been celebrity deaths, but I did not attend a funeral.  My Grandad is still going strong at 93, and has shaken off a lymphoma diagnosis with relative aplomb.  My Dad was diagnosed with type two diabetes, and rather than start taking more pills, chose a complete change in diet which has not only led to him losing around 2 stone in weight, but also reversing the diagnosis completely (I'm very proud of you Dad, in case you are reading this!).  I gained a beautiful new niece in Evie, and a new sister-in-law in Sally, and my brother got to marry the woman of his dreams.  My brother also ran his first marathon at VMLM, and raised a load of money for the NSPCC in the process (very proud of you too Greg, if you're reading!)  Pete and I had some awesome holidays, with Vietnam being a highlight, however Brecon and Cornwall also served us very well!

For me personally, the year didn't get off to a great start.  I was taking anxiety medication as a result of work-related stress, which had led to me actually being signed off work towards the end of 2015.  I'm not a massive fan of taking tablets, but they really did help to get me through a stressful period and out the other side.  However I didn't want to find myself in the situation where whenever things got tough, I ended up on medication.  I needed to find some other way of coping.

Luckily for me, Pete had signed us both up to a new David Lloyd gym that opened in Newbury in December 2015.  We went a couple of times in December and I found that I quite enjoyed it - especially after I was introduced to Racket Ball, which is like squash but with a bouncier ball.  It was nice to go there with Pete and have a little go on a bike or cross trainer, and a little hit about on the squash courts.  I remembered how much fun exercise can be, and how it is great at taking your mind off things.  In January we both went for a review with the fitness instructors there, and both ended up signing up for personal training, starting in February.  I had also started running again.  Short little runs with a colleague around Green Park, with the aim of running the Royal Berkshire 10k in May, and hoping to better my time from the previous year.  That combined with the gym sessions with Pete was really helping me to feel better.  Then Pete had to go away for work, and I hit a crossroads - I didn't have someone to go to the gym with for a couple of weeks, personal training hadn't started yet and I didn't want to lose my motivation and stop going.  So I signed up to a couple of gym classes.  This is a new thing for me, as besides Pilates I have never done proper gym classes before, so to say I was nervous about it was an understatement!  I thought people would look at me and judge me, because I wouldn't know what I was doing, and they would all be fitter than me etc. etc.  I couldn't have been more wrong, and I wish I had known sooner what an uplifting experience it can be to go to gym classes.  It isn't an understatement to say that starting those classes has completely changed me!  It took a little while to find the right classes for me (the first class I tried was a 30 minute Grit Cardio class, and even now I haven't braved going back to one of those as I honestly thought I was going to pass out and be sick, possibly even die!!), however once I found the right balance and got into a routine, there was no stopping me!  I started with two Body Balance classes a week, along with a Body Attack class early on Saturday mornings.  Then the personal training started too, and I was also still doing Pilates at a different studio, and regularly running.  So I went from being someone who had said to Pete it wasn't worth getting a gym membership and not to sign me up, to someone who was exercising most days of the week!  I was also able to stop the medication (all medication, as I had been on blood pressure medication too) as I no longer needed it.

I cannot emphasise enough what an impact it can have on your life to find some form of exercise that you enjoy.  And whatever you choose, don't always do it alone.  I have been regularly running for years now, however most of the time on my own as I prefer to run alone.  But what I learned from the gym classes is that any form of exercise is more fun when you combine it with a bit of socialising and interacting with other people!  The Attack class I do on a Saturday morning is one of my favourite parts of the week (it must be for me to get up earlier than I do for work to go to it!!) as it tends to be the same people attending, and we all get there a little early and have a bit of a catch-up before the class starts.  Since I have been going to the gym so regularly, it is very rare for me to turn up to a class or PT session and not bump into someone I know and have a little chat.  I have built up to doing seven classes each week (2xBalance classes, 3xPump, Attack and Spin) alongside PT and a little bit of running.  I sometimes drop one of the Pump sessions or Spin if I am in need of a break but that is the general routine.  I seem to have done my usual winter trick of dropping the running, having not been for a few weeks now, however I will start up again now everything is getting back to normal after the holidays!

Speaking of running (which I guess I should really, as that is what this blog was originally about!!) 2016 was probably the best running year I have had.  Obviously running London was an amazing experience, but this year has been different.  I have been much more consistent with my training, and I have enjoyed it a whole lot more.  I have kept the distance down to a maximum of 10k so as not to put pressure on myself.  I entered the Royal Berkshire 10k, with the sole aim of beating my time from the previous year (which was 1hr 15 minutes, some way off my 10k PB of 1:04:26 set back in 2008), however on race day I managed to not only beat the previous years time but also to set a new PB of 1:01:58! I was in shock at the time!  All of the other exercise I was doing was having an effect on my running speed, so I decided to set myself a couple of targets for the year.  I wanted to run a 5k in under 30 minutes and a 10k in under an hour.  I continued with the training and entered quite a few races - 11 in total in 2016 - seven 10k and four 5k, which is the most races I have completed in a year.  I bettered my 10k PB twice, once on a tough course in Yateley, and then again in my final 10k of the year where I managed a time of 1:01:01.  Not quite under the hour but getting close!  My 5k PB had been set back in 2007 at 33:52.  I know I was probably faster than that in the interim years, but I hadn't entered any 5k races as I went for increasing distances instead.  I smashed that time in my first 5k of the year with a time of 30:57, and then in my final 5k of the year at Greenham Common I managed a time of 29:26 and achieved my target!  I also started a new little tradition of going running whilst on holiday, including managing to run twice in Vietnam and once in Thailand, around a park in Bangkok.

I'm going to sign off with a few stats for you, but before I go I just wanted to say this - if anyone who is reading this is thinking about trying a new form of exercise, or trying to get the motivation to start back at something, or even starting exercising full stop, just get out there and do it!  Give it a try, what's the worst that could happen?  You don't like it?  Fine, try something else.  You'll know when you've found the right thing for you, and hopefully when you do it will have the same effect on you as this year has had on me.  Yes, I lost weight (which also meant I got to do a lot of clothes shopping!!) but more importantly I have gained so much.  I am more confident, healthier, stronger and fitter than I have ever been before.  I am also so much happier.  And I wish that for all of my friends and family for 2017 and beyond.

Total Number of Runs - 54
Total Distance Run - 173.92 miles
Total Time Spent Running - 30:56:46
Total Races - 11
Total PT Sessions - 40
Total Gym Sessions - 196
Total Exercise Sessions Combined - 294
Total Time Spent Exercising - 238:57:13
Total Weight Loss - 6.7kg
Starting weight of 65.6kg (10st 4lbs), Current weight of 58.9kg (9st 2lbs)

Progress

Since I got the news about my knee, I have been deliberating 'when' and indeed 'if' I should have the operation.

The thing is, for the very first time in my life I am enjoying exercising, and am not only doing it very regularly (at least 5 times a week) but am seeing progress in a way I never have before.  I'm not really losing weight when I get on the scales, but I can feel my body changing and I can see the changes - I have muscles in places I've never had them before, and my fitness particularly when I run is totally different.  I spent years slogging out the miles running and running and running and running (shameless opportunity to link to this!), throwing in the occasional gym session, thinking I was doing ok for myself.  Now I realise that was just not the right approach for me.  I have been doing Body Attack, Body Balance, Pilates, seeing a personal trainer, running (including shorter interval training) and the occasional racketball session and I have never felt better.  

Another bonus is that my blood pressure appears to have normalised without medication, which I have been taking for the past five years or so as hypertension appears to be a hereditary trait in my family.  When I saw my GP and she told me that my BP was 120 over 85 I nearly fell off the chair!  She wants to do another 24 hour monitoring, and if that is OK then no more drugs for me.

On the running front, I have done a couple of out and back runs where I attempted to blast one mile as fast as I could, then turn around and jog back at an easy pace.  On both attempts I ran the fast mile in under 10 minutes, which is not something I think I have ever achieved before!  Also, the return mile on both runs was faster than my previous average, so definitely progress.  Then the past couple of weeks I have been working on gradual distance increases ready for the 10k in May.  Last week I headed out for a run around GPK and managed a 5k PB without even feeling like I was pushing it!  Today I headed out with the aim of running 4 miles.  I felt great for the first mile, however I've not been feeling great in the tummy department today so found the next couple of miles a bit tough, including getting a stitch, so decided to slow down the pace a little.  I ran 4.4 miles in total, and imagine my surprise when it was another 5k PB (by a second, but every second counts ok!) and my overall average was identical to the 3.5m run last week.  I have slogged out the miles for years with no discernible increase in pace, so it feels great to finally see that change a little!

The last improvement I have seen is totally vain - I randomly decided to try on a pair of jeans that were once my favourites.  They have been languishing in a drawer for a few years now because they didn't fit me, and to my surprise they now fit me again!  So much so that I took a photo - and I really wish I had taken before and after shots, or taken measurements or something, because my weight has pretty much only changed by a few pounds lighter, however the fact that I can comfortably fit in these trousers means I have without a doubt changed shape in a good way :-)

Warning - Post containing self pity and swearing!

This is an MRI scan of my knee.

I'll give you a clue - it's not meant to look like that!

I mentioned in my last post that I was thinking about seeing a different surgeon to look into why I am still getting so much hip and knee pain when I exercise, and a few weeks ago I went to see Dr Arvind who recommended a hip and knee MRI.  I went to see him today for the results.
The good news is that my hip labral tear is looking fine - no issues with the scan.  The not so good news is that my knee is looking less fine.... in fact it is looking pretty bad.  My kneecap is no longer in the right place and that is causing cartilage damage.  What you see in the picture is my patella veering off to the left, and the slight white tinge within the patella where it is meeting the bone is where the cartilage is being damaged.  This change in circumstance (I say that, because I had an arthoscopy on my knee during all the previous surgeries on my right leg which found it to be in pretty good condition) has probably occurred as a result of the osteotomy changing the way I walk/run etc.  So fixing one problem has caused another to come into focus.  *sigh*  This rotation of my kneecap is also the likely culprit for the hip pain as I am still placing undue pressure on my hip, just for a different reason now.  Apparently the catching sensation in my hip is quite common for people with this knee problem.

I listened to all this, and looked at the scan, and I just knew that he wasn't going to say we could fix this with physio!  Oh no, nothing can be that simple for me!  The only way to fix this is to have ANOTHER OSTEOTOMY, this time on the other end of my tibia (called a Fulkerson's Osteotomy if anyone wants to know more).  So they want to break my bone.....again....and move everything around....again.....
I don't know how I didn't blub right there and then, as the prospect of more surgery, and not insignificant surgery too, is something I really wanted to avoid.  I feel like I've done my time there, served my penalty for wanting to fulfil my marathon running dream dammit!  Why couldn't I just be one of those people who could do the training and run the race and that would be that?!?!  (I did warn you about the self pity party......)
This surgery involves another 6 weeks in plaster - 3 of which will be with a straight leg.  I only binned the fucking crutches from last time a few months ago!! (I warned you about the swearing too).

I haven't confirmed to Dr Arvind that I will have the surgery yet as I asked him if I could think about it for a little while.  He said that was fine, but stressed that I shouldn't put it off for too long as the damage to my knee will only get worse over time, as will the pain, and not having this operation now will probably result in requiring more major surgery at some point down the line.

Fuckity Fuck.

I have dealt with this information in a mature and sensible way - by having a good cry over a cup of tea and a massive slice of chocolate tiffin, and then booking myself in for an additional personal training session tonight to vent my frustration!

So the plan is to cram as much as I can in between now and my 10k in May, and then resign myself to spending some of the summer on crutches.  In the next couple of months I will keep at the gym classes and personal training (I can't even contemplate having to miss out on those as they are keeping me sane currently), try and get a few days skiing in, and then we have our two week holiday to Vietnam carried over from last October.  The Royal Berkshire 10k is in the middle of May, and I will book in for surgery as soon after that as I can so that I will be well back on my feet before we head to Brecon for a week with friends at the end of July.

Wish me luck, and good humour, because I think I may need it!

Seeking a second opinion

So 2016 has started off pretty well so far - albeit we are only 17 days in!

Thanks to the gym membership, and discovering how much fun racketball is, Pete and I have been going to the gym 2-3 times per week.  40 minutes of racketball and between 20-30 minutes on other kit (stationary bike, cross trainer, elliptical, rower, TRX stuff, etc).  Alongside that I have been running pretty consistently 2-3 times per week.  Starting at 1.4 miles and now running loops of either 2 miles or 5k.  One of my colleagues wanted to start up, so I have been running with him around Green Park, and also running from home on my own.
Pilates classes start up again next week too, and I am feeling the benefit of it all straight away - sleeping better, more energy and definitely good for my mental wellbeing.

There is one slight issue though.  Since I started exercising again, I am suffering with significantly increased hip and knee pain.  I have been wearing a knee support for racketball which really helps that, however when we were playing today I was really struggling with my hip.  I don't find it hurts when I am running or in the gym, however when I play racketball it has become more noticeable, and also it is back to occasionally waking me up at night.  Also post-exercise, it can be painful to walk and quite stiff.
I am going to sort myself out with a new pair of trainers for running as the ones I have now are the ones I did the marathon in and are getting a bit long in the tooth, however alongside that I think I am going to have to bite the bullet and get a second opinion on what is going on in my hip.  The previous surgeon signed me off from his care in spite of the fact that in the paperwork I filled out that day I had noted that I still suffered with hip pain daily for certain activities.  It might be that I need another cortisone injection in my hip, however I see that as a short-term solution only as there must be something going on in there for there to be significant pain still appearing almost two years post the labral tear operation.

2015 Summary

The last post I did on here was pre-Reading half marathon last year.  A loooong time ago!

I am not going to dwell on the half marathon too much, as to be honest it was one of the worst runs I have ever done.  I had to walk quite a lot towards the end, and honestly if I hadn't had Sui with me I'm fairly sure I wouldn't even have bothered finishing.  I don't know how much of it was in my head but running up the hill less than 5k into the race I was already thinking, I can't do this.  I felt like I had to drag myself around and about halfway in, I felt done in.  I wanted to run past the hospital where the previous year I had been watching from my room after my hip operation, however I couldn't even muster the energy, and instead walked past in tears.  And I sobbed uncontrollably when I finished too.  Ho hum!

I had a place for the London Marathon, and prior to the Reading half, there was a part of me that had a vague hope that I might be able to give it a go again.  After Reading I knew there was no way in hell, so instead Pete and I went along to Fetchpoint to cheer other runners on instead.  I actually found it really emotional, more so than the previous year.  I wanted to have been running it so badly, and it was a deferred place so no chance of carrying it over to 2016.

After that I took a step back.  I had totally fallen out of love with running and found it very difficult to start up again.  Then one of my Inspire friends did a 72 hour race (yes, you read that right!!) and did such an amazing job that I knew I would pick my trainers up again.  I had already entered a 10k a few months prior, however had decided I wasn't going to bother running it, but I was all inspired and decided to give it a go.  And it was great fun!  I actually enjoyed running!  I then went along to the Symantec World Run Day event at Green Park and realised that I could enjoy running if I didn't push myself so hard.  I met a lady who wanted to run at lunch times, and so we did a few times which was great.  I even took part in the 26.2 challenge in Maidenhead as part of the Campaign Monitor team, running two 2.62 mile legs.  I was slow but it was fun, and we even won a plaque for fastest IT team!
I continued running after work and started to creep the mileage up.  Only to around 5 miles or so but more importantly it was fun!  I even took my kit with my on a holiday to Brecon, and went for a run around Talybont Reservoir!

Towards the end of the year, life and work began to get in the way a bit.  If I'm honest, I was in a pretty bad place, resulting in being signed off work for a short while.  I did the occasional run of a couple of miles here and there, but nothing consistent.  Then in December, a new gym opened in Newbury and Pete signed us both up as members.  It turned out to be just the kick start I needed!  We started to go and spend an hour or so on different bits of exercise kit, and also began playing racketball.  I started to realise how much I needed the exercise for my wellbeing - I had more energy and was sleeping so much better!  My last run of 2015 was on boxing day, when I managed a little run around Hermitage with a grin on my face, and rounded off the year just nicely!

My brother and I at the start of the
Royal Berkshire 10k

After a run around GPK - treated myself to a whole load
of funky running kit this year

Setting off for leg 2 of the 26.2 Challenge

At Fetchpoint

26.2 Challenge - Team CM's plaque

Last sponsorship page

Finally set up my sponsorship page for the Reading Half!

Unless I ever run another full marathon (see last blog post.....pretty unlikely!), this will be the last time I hassle for sponsorship :-)

Pilates, Pain, Parkrun and other news

Blimey I've not been very good at keeping on top of my blogging have I!  I have a lot of little bits and pieces I've been meaning to blog for a while, however life has got in the way a bit.  Work has been pretty stressful, meaning often the last thing I want to do when I get home is open up a laptop again.  I've also been busy training, going to gigs and have upped my pilates sessions to twice a week.

I LOVE the pilates so much!  The teacher Kadi is lovely and the exercises are just the right amount of tough.  I've found myself feeling a little deflated on a couple of occasions when I've found certain exercises seemingly a lot harder than others in the class, however it isn't a competitive situation, it is just me being tough on myself usually.  There is one particular move, called a spine curl, that we do pretty much every week, and I have trouble with it every time because of my dodgy hip - something needs to click and only once it does can I do the move properly.  I asked my surgeon about this (oh yes, went to see him for the last time last week, more about that later) and he thinks it's the psoas tendon catching which is apparently common for people like me.  Apparently if it becomes a real problem, there is a keyhole surgery that can be done to release it, but I don't fancy any more surgeries thank you very much!

I have been experiencing pain in my ribs/shoulder area on my right hand side, and every time I went running I would get a nasty stitch in that side too, so my GP sent me for an x-ray.  It came back clear and the only thing he could suggest was going to see a physio - not a thought that filled me with optimism.  Luckily, Kadi is also an osteopath, so I have had a couple of sessions with her.  She has worked out what the problem is and has done some stretching of the offending muscles and some interesting diaphragm exercises!  Essentially my ribs on my right hand side have compressed together a bit, probably a result of me being a bit protective of that side (which is the side that has had ALL the operations on, and the side that is missing a kidney btw).  Alongside looking at this, she has done some work on my right leg, mainly my hip.  When I run, my hip is fine but I have been getting sharp pains in my knee.  Then when I stop running, my hip reverts to the same pain as before all the ops - namely sharp groin pain particularly going up stairs or trying to get into and out of cars.  Kadi thinks that the hip flexors on that side have become slightly contracted and shortened, meaning that when I run I am causing my leg to twist, putting extra pressure on my knee.  I'm not explaining that very well I know, but she showed me what she meant and it makes perfect sense!!  Last week she did a bit of taping for me, and a bit of acupuncture to release the muscles, to try to get me through the half marathon.

Speaking of that, can you believe it is less than a week away?!  Time has flown by.  I have managed to steadily up the mileage to my peak last week of a 10 mile run.  I found it torture - in fact all runs that have been more than 5-6 miles I have found really tough going!  Since then I haven't actually been for a run, so I need to get one more short one in before the race on Sunday.  My body is definitely letting me know that it doesn't like all this activity one bit.  I still sometimes struggle even when I'm covering a short distance that I know I should have the fitness and capacity to run with ease.  I have decided therefore, that this could well be my last half marathon.  My Inspire running buddies if they read this will note the subtle change from what I said just after I had finished the 10 mile run (where I firmly decided I would not be doing another half marathon)!!  At the very least I will be cutting back the distance to a more comfortable level after Sunday.  I like the sound of 4-5 miles, and I can run that sort of distance without too many ill-effects (meaning, I can generally still walk up the stairs afterwards!).

In other news, I had a Saturday morning a few weekends ago that was full of firsts.  My first run with the Hermitage Joggers/Newbury Runners, at the first ever Didcot Parkrun, which also happened to be my first ever Parkrun!  It was really nice to put some faces to names, and I enjoyed the parkrun experience.  The local one to me is actually Newbury, and a few of the people I met who live locally are regular attendees, so once the half marathon is out of the way I hope to get myself along to that more regularly.  Maybe my new goal should be to finally get myself a 5k PB, aiming for under 30 minutes??!!

As I mentioned, I saw the surgeon last week for the final time - one last x-ray and chat about how things are going.  I mentioned the pain after I run, particularly when I up the distance, and he said that maybe I should consider not running anymore.  I managed to retain some composure, because actually the ONLY reason I had the extreme surgery I did was because I wanted to continue being active, and specifically running.  If I had said to him back then that I planned to give up running, he wouldn't have done the osteotomy.  So, I had the osteotomy and now the thought is that perhaps I shouldn't run?  Forgive me if I find that hard to swallow!!  I accept that I have pushed my body beyond comfortable limits for this half marathon, as recovery has been slower than I had hoped for and training has been harder than I have experienced for any other half marathon.  I should have given myself more time to build up to this distance, however I'm struggling with the concept that I went through all those surgeries and it could have been for nowt!  I'm just not having it!!

Baby steps

I should start by saying, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I know I know, it's almost February already.....time is racing so fast this year!

I picked up a nasty cold/virus type thing over the Christmas break, so had a little while off everything.  I managed a run of a couple of miles on New Years Day, however a week later, still struggling with the chesty bit of the cold and a general lack of energy, I almost did myself a mischief trying to run the same distance again.  In fact, I didn't make it!  I thought I was going to be sick several times, and when I got home I literally made it through the front door before collapsing in the hall.  Pete had to help me up as my world was spinning, I couldn't focus, and I just didn't have the strength to stand up.  Bit scary actually!  Definitely a case of too much too soon.

Happily, with a bit of a rest and a few changes in diet, I seem to be back on the right track again.  I'm still doing Pilates once a week, and finding it enjoyable, and also a bit of an eye-opener as to how much muscle strength I have lost.  It's nice to see it slowly coming back though, and I do love the classes, which are just the right mix of hard work and relaxation!

As for running, well, last week I managed to up my distance to just over 5k for the first time since the marathon back in 2013!  I had been hovering around the 2 mile mark, and then I went for a run with my brother, who took me up to just under 3 miles.  I think it really helped to have someone to push me to that extra distance, as I was struggling to have the confidence in myself.  Since then, I have run 3.3 miles a couple of times.  It has felt good, if tough, but then it has been icy cold, which has not been an easy re-introduction for my chest.  When I first started running I had to use an inhaler, and there have been a few occasions recently where I reckon I should probably have used one again!  Also, Hermitage is a tad more undulating than I had first thought!

When I was out running on Saturday, I did have a moment where I thought to myself, how feckin amazing is my body?!  I have put it through so much, and yet here I am, out running again.  I think folk would have forgiven me for deciding that distance running wasn't my sport....and yet here I am, out training for another half marathon.  I think I might be slightly unhinged!  When I look back, I literally have no idea how I ever managed to drag myself around the marathon, but I did it.  In this (albeit slightly flawed) body, that is plainly not designed for running but that is getting on with it anyway.

I have decided this week to get my marathon vest and medal framed so that I can hang them in the hall and show them off.  I've had them hidden away; perhaps subconsciously I didn't want to look at them and be reminded that I could once do that, at a time when I struggled with simply walking around a supermarket.  Now, I want to look at them every day and be reminded that I could once do that!

The most proud of myself I have ever been

You don't get one of these without a lot of hard work......

One Year On

This time last year, I was laying in a hospital bed in a fair amount of pain, unable to sleep due to really irritating attachments on my feet that periodically inflated to keep my circulation going.  My lovely friend Stef in New Zealand was online, and sent me a photo via facebook to cheer me up, and this is the one she got back!

So, it has been a whole year since the big op.  The one where they broke my tib and fib, moved everything about a bit and then fixed it all back together with several large screws.
In some ways it feels like an eternity, and in some ways I feel like I'm not sure where the year went, particularly the second half of it!

A couple of months ago, I would have told you that I regretted the decision to have this operation.  I'm still not 100% sure I am over that feeling yet, however I am getting there, slowly but surely.  It has been a bit of a rollercoaster of uncomfortable moments, strong emotions and finding out where my limits are, and at times I have felt like there wasn't going to be an end to this saga (or at least not the one I was hoping for!).

It's taken pretty much the whole year to recover from this op (and the two others I had afterwards), but I am finally able to run again!  I am not pain-free, and in all honesty I'm not sure I ever will be, however the days of being woken in the night by it are gone, and I am slowly learning to trust that I can do the things I could do before.  Before my family all panic and phone me to tell me off, I don't mean the marathon!  I have a place, but I have come to terms with the fact that I won't be at the start line in April next year.  Might sound odd considering my history, but it's been a tough one to let go of!  I do however have high hopes that I will get one of these instead;

And instead of being at the start line of the London Marathon next year, I will make myself useful at Fetchpoint with this bunch of lovely friends, handing out sweets, calling out names and clapping until my hands hurt (whilst drinking champagne and keeping out of the way of flying corks!!).

I have managed to run a mere 10 miles this year, compared to 211 miles last year (completed in just the first four months!), however during those 10 miles I have re-discovered that wonderful feeling of joy you can get from setting yourself little targets, and from being able to push yourself just to the point of achieving them, but not so far that you end up broken.  I have finally run around the village we moved to, which means I can now officially call myself a 'Hermitage Jogger' - a group that was started up a few weeks after we moved in, and my first proper Hermitage jog was a year later almost to the day!  At the moment, in spite of the cold and the wheezing in my chest, above all else, I am enjoying running like I never have before.  The old saying is true - you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone.

Light at the end of the tunnel

The evening after the jab was a bit sore, improved by laying down in bed (any excuse ;-)).  the following day we went off to Brecon with some friends, so it was a busy morning packing and sorting out the house.  I was a bit sore and stiff, but not too bad, although sitting still in the car for the journey began to get quite uncomfortable quite quickly, so I took some painkillers when we stopped for lunch on the way.  Generally though, being on my feet meant being pain-free, and going up stairs seemed less painful than it had before = massive result!!

On Friday we decided to go for a walk as the weather was beautiful - one of the hottest Halloweens on record I believe.  I cannot even put into words how good it felt to get out walking in the hills without constant pain!  I couldn't stop grinning all the way up to Corn Dhu!  The descent was a little harder, and the last ten minutes of the walk did involve quite an ache in my hip (and a little in my knee and ankle also), however it was a pretty stern test for two days after the injection so I wasn't expecting miracles!  I also need to take into account that I am generally not very fit anymore, so am likely to find things harder for a little while.  The evening and the following morning brought more stiffness and pain, however it felt ok because it felt like pain caused by exercise, which is a nice sort of pain!  I may have looked like an old lady when getting in and out of chairs/cars, but I felt good!

The following day we went for a walk around Talybont reservoir, which was nice and flat.  Bizarrely, I found this a bit harder than the day before.  I think it must be the repetition of the same movement over and over as my body re-learns how everything is aligned.  For example, I found I got backache low down in my back and side.  I think I just need to walk lots to let my body settle down and work out where everything fits now.  

On the journey home from Wales I didn't get the same pain from sitting in the car, in fact I barely noticed any pain in my hip at all.  And as the days have gone by, the improvement has been exponential.  I barely notice any hip pain at all now, and certainly not from moving around like before.  I occasionally get a deep aching sensation for a few minutes when I am sitting down, but that is about it.  I can get into a car without problems, I can sit down and stand up without problems, and I can get out of bed without problems.  I can do all of those things like a 34 year old instead of an 84 year old, and that makes me very happy indeed!

My plan from here is to take things slow and steady - I have learnt from last time that immediately jumping on the treadmill and running a mile is NOT a good way to get back into things!  Instead I am booked into some pilates classes, and intend to get back on the exercise bike at home.  My aim is to attempt a run/walk by the end of the month, on the proviso that if it hurts, I will stop straight away!

I met with my pilates teacher for a 1:1 session yesterday, and she was absolutely lovely.  We had a chat beforehand about injuries which was funny - sometimes I can't believe I have had seven operations since 2011.....saying it all out loud to someone like that makes me realise how much my body has been through in that time!  Not only seven operations but also completing a marathon in the middle, wow!  I loved the session, and feel like this is the right thing for me to be doing.  I need to get strength back, and I also find pilates really relaxing in its own way, which is another thing I know I really need.

So in summary, finally, I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Look away if you don't like needles

That image isn't really relevant to this blog post, but it is relevant to me at the moment, and a wonderful earworm, so there you go!

I had the cortisone injection in my hip today.  Not a minute too soon as the pain in my hip has been on a steady increase.  Pete and I went on a little walk around Hermitage on Sunday, a litter picking event organised by the parish council, which was a lovely stroll, but by the end of it I couldn't actually bend down to pick up litter anymore, and my hip was very sore for the next few days.

So, I was a bit nervous!  I'm not so bothered by needles anymore, but I'm not a fan of the unknown, nor of medical procedures, so I'm glad to get it over and done with.  Now I've had one, at least if I have to have another I will know what to expect!

I had to get into a lovely hospital gown, and then sit and wait for the radiologist.  It felt warm in the room and I could feel myself getting hotter and hotter, which was probably a little bit of nerves too.  The specialist, Mr Ahmed, was really nice - he explained exactly what he was going to do and his manner was very organised and efficient which I really appreciated.  I signed the forms to say yes I agree to you sticking a really long needle into my hip (eeek!) and then got on the bed.
The nurses got me ready (at this point I was pleased I had done a half decent job of de-fuzzing my legs etc. beforehand - honestly, there is no dignity in these situations) and took an initial x-ray of the joint.  When Mr Ahmed had cleaned the area and put a sterile sticky surround thing on me, he was ready to inject the local anaesthetic into my skin.  It was a sharp scratch but not too bad and over quite quickly.  I could see the monitors that displayed the x-ray images above my head over my left shoulder, so I distracted myself by looking at them.  Then things started to get a little uncomfortable as he positioned the needle into the joint.  He injected a bit of dye to help ensure that the anaesthetic and steroid end up in the right place.  I felt uncomfortable as opposed to outright pain, but I did wince a few times.  He got the needle right into the place where all my joint pain comes from, which of course initiated said joint pain.  I said to him that was probably a good thing, as that is where the drugs need to be, and he agreed that it was.  And just as I thought he was about to start injecting stuff into me he said 'All done' and that was it!  Needle removed and dressing put on.  I was pleasantly surprised how quick it was and how relatively pain-free.

I was told that I should avoid doing too much today, because the anaesthetic they put into the joint could obviously have the effect of allowing me to cause myself an injury in the joint without noticing, but that tomorrow I am free to do whatever I would normally do!  The steroid will apparently take up to two weeks to begin having an effect, and the anaesthetic wore off within a couple of hours, leaving me in a slightly sore state at the moment.  He did warn me that it would probably be sore for a few days, and he wasn't wrong from what I am experiencing at the moment!  I am finding it painful to be in a sitting position, so essentially my hip wants to be in a position of least resistance.  As long as I stick my leg out and slouch in a chair I can just about forget about it though!

I'm so hopeful that this will provide the relief I need to get on with things again.