2018 begins

Ah 2018, what a joy it has been so far......

Scrap that, it started out pretty crap actually.  With the notable exception of a week in Iceland (Pete was there for work and I tagged along) where I did my first run of the year as the sun came up over Reykjavik, in temperatures of -6 degrees.  It was actually a really lovely, comfortable run, and I could have continued, however I had arrived back at the hotel and so decided to stop and not risk slipping over on the snowy footpaths.

We arrived home to a poorly cat, who we rushed to the vet on the night we got home.  Unfortunately within 24 hours, after some too-ing and fro-ing between Newbury and Bristol - during which time someone crashed into us on the M4 - we had to let her go as she was getting worse and the vets couldn't stabilise her.  To say I have been devastated (and haunted) by this is to understate things.  She was my little shadow for almost 11 years, and I still miss her terribly.

Since then, I have been struggling a little bit to get back on a positive and even keel.  The man who crashed into us on the M4 contested fault on the claim, so it took until May to resolve the case, thankfully in our favour.  That involved weekly phone calls to my insurance company and a lot of faffing with two garages to get my car fixed.  Given the circumstances of the crash, each and every time I thought about it I was reminded of why we were making that journey, which didn't help! I spent a lot of February doing some work with a career consultation team (which was provided as part of my redundancy package).  I actually enjoyed it and found it really useful, however the reality of trying to find a new job hit home too.  I have never before been in the position I find myself in now - unemployed with nothing already lined up!  I haven't had a formal job interview in a very very long time, and the idea of it all is terrifying if I'm honest!  I have noticed myself changing - not really wanting to go out of the house, having the feeling that I don't want to go to the gym, nor out running anymore.  I had already decided (after a couple of really awful runs around Hermitage) that I wasn't going to do the Reading Half Marathon, so when it was cancelled, I felt equal parts guilty and relieved!  I've also had some niggles with injuries, including a strange weakness in my left hand.  My GP put it down to Carpal Tunnel, which I didn't feel was right as I only had weakness and no other symptoms.  My physio diagnosed an issue in my neck and upper back, and after one session with her, the weakness disappeared!  I think when you're not working, you have more time to notice, and perhaps dwell on, these kinds of things.  With that alongside job applications that go nowhere, it can be quite hard to keep plugging away and trying to stay positive.  Luckily, I have some good friends and family who have been helping to keep my spirits up.  I am ever hopeful that the right job for me is just around the corner - after all, everything happens for a reason, right?!

Signing off with the last photo of my beautiful baby girl Stitchy

Quick round-up of 2017

I honestly had no idea I hadn't written a blog post since August last year!  Where does the time go?

I rounded off 2017 with a few more 10k races; the Farleigh Wallop trail race, which is my favourite race of the year, the RARE 10k at Harwell, where I was 27 seconds off my sub 1hr target, and finally the Dorney Autumn Series, where I finally beat that 1hr, with a finishing time of 59.51!  It's a totally flat 5k lap race, and you could do one lap or four, taking you up to half marathon distance.  I originally planned to do three laps, however on the day I just wasn't feeling it, so I did the two laps and 10k instead.  I definitely need to work on my stamina, as my natural pace has increased but I just can't seem to keep it going over distance.  My final race was a 5k Santa fun run in December, and I was pleasantly surprised at how easy I found it, in spite of not running for six weeks between the last 10k and the 5k.  I had thought I would be holding my friend up and would really struggle, however it was a very enjoyable run, and we even made the paper!

Dinton Santa 5k 

Can you spot us?

And then, I stopped running again.  Same old story!  The end of 2017 was a surreal time for me, as I got made redundant from my job of 12 years.  In many ways, a relief, but left me feeling a bit discombobulated!  OK, a lot discombobulated!  I had thought that as I would have all this extra time on my hands, it would be a perfect time to train for the Reading Half Marathon and try to smash my half marathon PB, however I couldn't seem to get myself started, so I decided would give myself a bit of time at the end of the year, and pick everything up again in 2018 (including job hunting).

Farleigh Wallop 10k

Farleigh Wallop Medal - always a favourite!

RARE 10k

RARE 10k

Dorney 10k

How to teach an old dog old tricks?

I know that isn't the way the saying goes, but it seems more apt for me!!

I've been a bit up and down since my last blog.  Training has been going pretty well, although I am not running as much as I should be, however my PT has been pushing me pretty hard and I have noticed improvements in a few areas.  I ran my fastest ever 5k almost by accident, and ran the last Yateley 10k in August in the pissing rain, a full 3 minutes faster than I planned, in a similar time to last year, when I had put in way more running miles.  Despite the running going well, I still keep putting off actually getting out and doing it, and I really don't know why so that's something I need to think about (or maybe not think about?  Maybe I think about it too much and that's why I get anxious about going running?!).

Post 5K PB

Soaked after the Yateley 10K

Finishing the Yateley 10K - soaked but smiling!

Home and social life has been great!  I had a particularly good birthday celebration spending the day by the river in Winchester paddling our new kayak and having a go on a SUP with lovely friends and family.  Perfect day (and it didn't rain!).

Best birthday cake, made by Donna!

Testing out the new Kayak with Frankie

Having a little go on Donna's SUP

Work has been..... Actually, I'm not going to go there.

Anyway, now that I have set myself a new goal of doing the Reading Half and getting a PB, and paid for it so it is really happening (!), I figured I would get back to some proper training tonight.  Thing is, I just didn't prepare properly!  In my defence, sitting in a cool air conditioned office all day didn't prepare me for quite how warm and humid it was outside, but really, you'd think I'd know by now that I can't just have a few cups of coffee during the day and then expect to breeze a 10k run in the evening!  Granted, I had a decent lunch of pasta with chicken and veg, but I literally didn't drink a drop of water all day.  One cup of tea, three cups of coffee (bad in itself I know!) and a carton of orange juice does not equal a well hydrated Katy.  Within a mile and a half I had a stitch and wanted to stop.  I slowed the pace and gave myself a talking to, and managed to make it up to 4.5 miles in the end.  So not quite 10k, but given how I felt after 1.5 miles, I'm still pretty happy with that.  In the last half a mile my body was telling me in many ways that it wanted to stop, so it was the right decision not to push on.  The stitch came back with a vengeance, my right knee started to twinge and I got a fly in my eye!

The reason I say you can't teach an old dog old tricks?  Because I already learnt this very lesson whilst marathon training.  I had a really awful run during training which knocked my confidence big time, until I stepped back and thought about how I had prepared for it, and realised that basically I hadn't!  And here I am, repeating the same mistake again!  Oh well, no run is really a bad run!  Apart from the last time I ran the Reading Half.  That was a bad run.  And I am determined that I am not going to repeat it again!  Onwards and upwards!

Slightly delirious and dehydrated after todays run!

So, this just happened.....

Getting the Funk Out of Here!

I write this whilst lounging with my feet up on the sofa eating ice cream directly out of the tub (Ben & Jerry's One Love - if you haven't tried it you should!).

I'm feeling pretty good, much much better than I was when I wrote my last blog.  I have been working on operation 'get the Funk out of here' in the only way I know how - getting back into a routine with the gym, and pulling my running trainers on - and it seems to be starting to work!  Yes, I am eating ice cream, however prior to the ice cream, I completed an hour long PT session, which I followed up with one of the best runs I have done this year.

I left the running for too long, and then got all messed up in my head thinking that I would be starting again and it would be hard and I would feel awful, which led to me putting it off over and over again.  I headed out to the canal towpath planning on running out one mile and then turning around and running back, just to find my feet again (really I was thinking I would just run two miles because it was probably going to be too hard to run any further. I am making progress against the Funk, but it is still there).  I settled into a lovely pace, and just didn't want to stop!  I ran a nice easy four miles, finishing strong up the only (very small) incline, which I had spent the entire run telling myself it would be OK to walk up if I needed to.  In fact, according to strava, it was a PR for me, so the fastest I have run up that little hill so far!  And when I had got back to the physiotherapy centre (where Pete was doing his PT session) I felt like I could have kept going.

So, I earned the ice cream, and the Funk is a step closer to being ousted.  A good day!

Chip Butty & Cherry Cheesecake

I was going to start this blog by telling you how it doesn't matter that I just stuffed my face full of chip butty followed by cherry cheesecake for lunch (with a 'zero' Lilt - oh, the irony!) because I'm not on a health kick or anything, so what's the harm in a lunchtime blowout eh?!

However as I sat there eating I realised that I am on a bit of a health kick after all.  A mental health kick, if such a thing exists (and if it doesn't, it should).

I have been using exercise as a very effective tool for helping with my mental state for a long time now - in fact being put on medication by my GP in late 2015 was the wake-up call I needed to make a change, and as anyone who has read any of my blog recently will know, I have been regularly attending the gym and got back into the running since then.  It has been the exact thing I needed to help my mental health, with the beneficial side effects being that my physical health is probably the best it has ever been too (and I only needed one course of those drugs and a couple of weeks away from work as a result!).

Thing is, the first half of this year has had its ups and downs, and the downs seem to have coincided with times when I haven't been able to keep up with the gym stuff for various reasons - my PT moving to a new place and therefore having a couple of months with no training, stopping a couple of classes due to work commitments and also starting to doubt my ability etc etc.  And along with the decrease in exercise, I have experienced an increase in anxiety and stress levels, and have noticed some old patterns emerging as a result.  For example, a good gauge for me is how many days do I work from home, and on those days do I get up and have a shower?  When I am feeling good, even on a work from home day I would be up and dressed.  When I am below par I tend to find myself still in pyjamas in the afternoon, and then beat myself up about it.  I berate myself - why can't I just be like everyone else and get up and dressed like a normal person?  Everyone else can manage it, so why can't I?  Then there's the housework, which I just don't keep on top of so well when I'm down.  And it's an ever decreasing circle, because being in the house when it's messy makes me stressed out from looking at the mess, and yet I don't want to leave the house, so I am spending more time there looking at the mess, and yet don't have the energy to clean it up....... You can see where I'm going here!

You would think that the solution to this would be pretty simple - get back into a routine with the exercise.  And I know that would help me immensely.  However, my brain won't let it be that easy!  My brain is convinced that because I have let everything slip, it is going to be too hard to start it up again, and I am a failure.  A failure because I'm not going to the gym as often, and because I have let the running slide to such an extent that I missed a 10k race I had entered this week.  The day before the 10k I was still going to run it - I decided that I would just take it really easy and aim to run/walk it just to get back out there, but on the morning of the race I chickened out.  I regretted it all day, to the point where I nearly got in the car an hour before to see if I could still make it to the start on time, but talked myself out of it (this pattern repeats over and over).

So, where do I go from here?  How do I get myself out of this funk?  I can't change the things that are getting me down as I have no control over them, so instead I have to change the way I am reacting to them.  I need to stop beating myself up all the time.  Yes, I ate a chip butty and a cherry cheesecake for lunch, but so what?  Feeling guilty about it won't help, just start again tomorrow.  One day at a time.  One foot in front of the other.  I'm sure I have put my favourite saying on here before, but in case I haven't;

Hail Stopped Play!

After an amazing day up at Fetchpoint for the London Marathon this year, I have been feeling all inspired and am considering trying to train for a half marathon again.  The last one I did was my worst ever run for so many reasons, and it seems a shame to leave it on that note.  So I have been pretty determined this week to get back on track with the running training.  Monday I was supposed to be doing a PT session, but I came down with a headache and instead spent the evening in bed.  Tuesday was my usual gym sessions with some friends, and so today was my first chance to go for a run.  It also just so happens that it is also the worst day for weather so far this week!  The day was intermittent hail showers and sunshine, and when I finished work and pulled on my trainers, the sky was ominously dark and I was surprised at how cold it was.  In the walk from the office to my car to dump my bags, this was the voice in my head - "Still going for a run, nah the weather's awful and I don't have the right kit, but go for a run anyway or you'll regret it, oh it's started to rain just get in the car" etc.  Luckily at the point where I had dumped my kit, I was on the JUST DO IT side of things and so I set off.
Within about ten paces, the rain had started in earnest.  Within half a mile it was hail, and I was so cold I was regretting my decision to go anyway.  I also had this niggling thought in my mind that I had just started up running and not locked my car.  Not ideal when I had just dumped my laptop, work phone and personal phone, along with all my other personal belongings in the boot!  I decided to speed up, take a short cut and get back to the office ASAP.  My ears were so cold that my head was seriously hurting - I'm sure you've all felt that pain before - and my hands were totally numb, despite running a relatively fast mile (for me!) at 8.57.
When I got back to my car, I had indeed left it unlocked.  So, all in all it was the correct decision to cut that run short!!

Still, I was a bit frustrated, as I had been looking forward to just heading out for a longer slower run, to try and build my mileage up for my first 10k in a few weeks.  I've not run further than 4 miles so far, so I need to sort that out!  As soon as I hit the motorway for the journey home, the sun came out, which didn't help, although there was a beautiful rainbow!

When I got home the sun was still out, although the clouds in the distance still looked quite ominous.  I donned a rather fetching ear buff, gave myself a stern talking to and headed out again.  And I am so glad I did - that two miles was one of the best runs I have done in ages!  I haven't run around Hermitage for a little while now, because there are no street lights in the village so running after work needed to happen at work on lit footpaths over the winter.  But now the clocks have changed and summer is on the way, there is plenty of daylight to run at home, and it is good for me as it is a bit more undulating.  I only did a couple more miles at a nice easy pace, but I really enjoyed it and I'm quite proud of myself that I tried again, after the first run had been so horrible!

And even better?  That nice easy pace, enjoyable little run?  It was a PR over that route.  Hurrah!!!!